Legends of Zeldas: Day IV (Adventure of Link)

Upon completing the first temple, I move on to find level 2. As I leave Parapa Palace, the whole damn thing turns into a rock which resembles nothing like the temple I was just in. I return to Rauru town and have sex with the prostitute. I go south of the starting palace and enter a cave, where I kill these weird segmented eye proboscis things. A couple octoroks pelt me with rocks. I find a magic jar which increases my magic. Cool, I guess. I go north into a different cave. The boomerang dogs make their oh-so-welcome return as one pelts me to near death. Bastard. I get a little angel doll thing. No idea what for. A moblin in a field kills me. Game over, return of Ganon. I go to Ruto town to speak with my good buddy, Error. He tells me he's Error. Yes you are.

Some lady seems happy I have this angel statue. She lets me speak with her uncle, who is another old wizard with a pointy hat and big beard. He lets me jump higher. I go south to another cave. Another boomerang dog kills me. I go on and am killed by bats. With my new magic spell, I easily jump over the tall cliff. As I enter a field and am killed by another boomerang dog, return of Ganon. Next time they kill me again, return of Ganon. I go back and wander around and find a bag of experience points. I make my way to another temple but get killed two seconds after entering it. I go down the bridge this time to what is apparently Saria town. I spend another hour fighting jumping frogs, blobs and more boomerang dogs in an attempt to level up (all while stopping in Saria town for the occasional quickie). I make my way back to the temple but die anyway. I am annoyed. I will do this later.

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I go back and try to do this temple again. I actually grab a few keys this time while fighting more maraca monsters and blue skeletons. However, I manage to fall in a pit of lava. I really hate this game. I'll try later.